A long post about mostly me.

So yeah...remember when I said I would be blogging this weekend? That didn't happen.

But, I did get some things done. I went to Target and the grocery store on Friday night and took my time just wandering the aisles. Mmmm....that's one of my favorite things to do. When I got home, I put everything away and did some laundry, and really the productivity ends there for the weekend. Boo.

Saturday I woke up and lounged in my robe and talked to my mom and dad for a long time. Then I got dressed and went on a GORGEOUS walk throughout the neighborhood. Seriously, it was 75 degrees out! I probably walked about five or so miles, but unfortunately, I wore new shoes without socks and now have gigante blisters on my heels. They are seriously so bad that I couldn't even walk yesterday. I can't wear shoes with backs on them - a problem when it comes to going to work in the fall. But I solved it today by folding down the backs of some flimsy flats I have. Ugh.

After my walk (and before the blisters reared their ugly heads), I drove over to an antique mall I'd seen on my way to church last week, which is great because I'm in the market for a cute, vintage kitchen table and guess what! I found one. But it's $180. So. Not this weekend.

Then it was home for zoning out with football. And then movies. I didn't even cook anything. I had leftover pizza.

Sunday morning I awoke bright and early for church, then limped directly to my car afterward, came home and took a long nap. After that, more movies and lazing. Bleh. I felt horrible by the end of the day. I didn't even shower.

Don't get me wrong, I love a good lazy weekend - when I plan for it. But I was feeling so productive last Wednesday, and then fzzzzz....

And I know exactly why. This weekend I got into a funk. You know, one of those moods where you feel kinda down about something or everything or nothing at all. You don't know. And since I didn't have any diversion or anyone to think about this weekend besides myself, I just mentally retreated and retreated until by Sunday night I wanted to just crawl into a hole.

I know this post is getting long and somewhat macabre and you probably don't even care...but I just want to type it out. Over the last week I've had a nagging feeling that something must be wrong with me, since I don't have a boyfriend and haven't had one in such a long, long time, though I meet guys all the time. (I know this isn't true, trust me. Most times I don't feel this way at all. But sometimes I just do.) And then I start thinking about how I long to be a wife and a mom and feel all the love and devotion that come with those roles. But how will I ever get there if I'm clearly unlovable? So then I get mad for feeling those feelings and try to tell myself all the good things I know about God, etc. But anyways. It's just a vicious cycle sometimes.

So, there you have it - my weekend date with narcissism. I look back on the weekend and can so easily see how I could have pulled myself out of it. A weekend with few responsibilities?? Why not spend some good, quality time with the Lord, reading His promises, meditating on them, praying to Him and not just complaining. Maybe it wouldn't have jump-started my productivity, but it probably would have been better than the mess I found myself in by Sunday night.

How blessed am I that I have a wonderful, merciful Savior! He offers hope when my heart has hopelessly lost the way.